Golden Spoons Review: Tiki Beach

CNS Editor | 12/09/2016

(CNS Foodie): Oh, Tiki Beach … what happened to the once pristine, luxurious space? An enormous piece of prime real estate on 7 Mile Beach, we thought, why not go back and see what’s going on there on a beautiful day with no cruise ships in town. Well, if we had crickets on the beaches here, you would have heard them. The place was empty, maybe three tables in total, and that includes the bar patrons. What a sad state of affairs!

This location is brilliant, yet desolate and no locals in sight. What a shame! What once seemed so posh now seems quite dated and cheesy, with the high-back chairs that resemble a king’s beachside throne and the dirty white linens pulled back from the empty cabanas. In its heyday, there were daytime DJs and fun all around. Now, the place obviously banks on the cruise shippers and perhaps doesn’t need to care about anything else.

We started with the Veggie Delight Spring Rolls ($9.95) for two. Right off the bat I thought this was a bit pricy for two, but maybe they were larger than your typical spring roll … ah, no. Tiny and dripping in grease, they were as basic as it comes, and even though fried, it still seemed the inside dough was soft and almost raw.

My glass of wine was a generous pour for $9, thankfully, and helped wash down our appetizer mistake (and beers are $5).

For the kids, we opted for the always safe, penne pasta marinara ($6.50). The taste was fine, and portion large enough for them to share and even take some home with us. Our entrées consisted of the Pulled Jerk Spiced Pork Panini ($14.95) and the West Indian Fish Burger with pineapple scotch bonnet mayo ($15.95), both served with your choice of fries or mixed green salad.

The panini and salad looked good when it arrived, until I took a bite and felt like my front teeth might chip from how hard the bread was. I turned it over and noticed how badly burned it was. It was black and any good chef (or even a server who took pride in their job) would have asked that it be redone before giving it to a customer.

The pork, however, was tender and had a mild and lingering spice to it, which was nice and went well with the slightly sweet black bean & corn salsa. The side salad was a decent portion of mixed greens, cucumber, tri-coloured peppers, onion, carrot and tomatoes served with a tasty balsamic dressing on the side.

The West Indian Fish Sandwich for $15.95 was so small it was lost in the gigantic bun and garnish of iceberg lettuce, tomato and onion. It was overcooked and extremely dry and once you put it all together, it was hard to see what the main ingredient was.

Since West Bay Road has closed, I’m certain local traffic is scarce here, but that doesn’t mean they can’t make an effort to attract the local clientele back. I mean, this location is magnificent. The entire time we stayed we kept talking about how much potential it has and how crazy it was to see the place so empty on a beautiful day.

Once the Kimpton opens, maybe they will need to step up their game as those travellers will be sure to leave complaints on TripAdvisor left and right.

The service was just okay but there was something about it that made me feel intimidated. They do have a happy hour daily from 5-7pm, when well drinks are $6, beers $4 and house wines for $7. I just wonder if anyone takes advantage of that.