I am 19 and my boyfriend is 20. We have been dating since I was 16. He is pressuring me to have sex even though I have told him I want to wait until I am married. I love him very much, but he hasn’t proposed yet. I don’t want to lose him. What should I do?
Auntie’s answer: First of all, I want you to know that you are definitely not alone in the situation you describe. Of course, that doesn’t make it any easier for you knowing that many other couples are dealing with the same thing.
Having said that, I think what’s important for you to focus on is how you are feeling. If you are not comfortable or ready for a sexual relationship with your boyfriend, there is not a thing wrong with that.
I understand you love him, but if you want to wait, then you want to wait. If your boyfriend loves you, and I have no reason to believe he doesn’t, then he should respect your feelings.
I also do not like that your boyfriend is “pressuring” you. No one should feel pressured into making a decision they are not ready for. It may feel more complicated than that, but that is basically the bottom line.
And there are other points to consider. While you have been dating for three years, both of you are still young and marriage is a huge step. I realise I do not know anything about your relationship except what you have suggested in your question, but it seems like you may be holding a marriage proposal over your boyfriend’s head. If he does ask, will there be an expectation that the question is enough for you to change your mind? Will you be any more ready to take your relationship to the next step tomorrow if he proposes today? Is that one question the only consideration in your hesitation? In addition, there may be a significant amount of time between a proposal and an actual wedding; think about how that might affect the situation.
Also, I hope he hasn’t suggested that if you do not change your mind, he will break up with you. You didn’t say that but you did express concern he may leave you if you don’t agree to have sex. If that is the case, then I am afraid your relationship will not stand the test of time, much less marriage.
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