Harassed by husband’s ex
I have been married to my husband for almost three years now. He has two older boys with other women and we have a young child together. The middle son’s mother has been harassing me for the past few years. I’ve tried different tactics to make our lives more civil but she seems keen on keeping up the drama. She works at a very large bank on the island and would make personal calls to my husband from her job. Lately she has been poking around in his bank account and asking us for his personal information. I feel like this is unethical. It would make anyone uncomfortable knowing a stranger is messing with their finances or personal account information but she is more than just a stranger to us. She stalks us on social media and tries to cause tension any way she can. He has cut off all contact with her but she still won’t move on. She’s married but is so bent on ruining my marriage. I just don’t understand her frame of mind.
Do you have any advice?
Auntie’s answer: It is awful enough to be harassed as you have clearly been, but you are now talking about someone looking at your husband’s bank account without his permission. That situation is bad enough, but since his ex actually works at the bank, I would say “unethical” is an understatement; that is a huge breach-of-trust issue.
To find out the best course of action, I asked the Cayman Islands Crisis Centre for help with this question.
Most importantly, the advice is that you need to involve the police, who will ask for any evidence you might have of phone conversations, messages or social media harassment. Anything you can print out would be very helpful to make your case as strong as possible.
In addition, if you have emails or messages that you have sent to the woman asking her to stop contacting you and your husband, print those as well. If you have not sent anything like that, the advice from the Crisis Centre is to write one now and keep a record of it.
On the issue of her accessing bank records, the suggestion is you talk to the woman’s supervisor at the bank. You can inform the bank official that you do not want the woman to have any access to your or your husband’s accounts. Or you can simply close that account and open one with a different bank.
Category: Ask Auntie
“Exes”. They never die…….
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Call the women’s resource center. They have free lawyers once a week who can guide you properly.
1. Otherwise call the police. File a report for every incident.
2. Call the bank. Provide a verbal complaint and follow with a formal complaint.
3. Write her an email regarding her behaviour and actions. Formally requesting her to stop.
4. Contact ICTA and write a formal complaint of the abuse of use of the phone to harass.
There must be other ways. Start with these. You will see results.
Is there “Man’s Resource Centre” on-island?
I went through the same situation even to the point of calling the police on her. We even switched banks and imagine that she got a job at the new bank! Anyway time seems to help but she’s in the wings always waiting.
woman needs to be arrested
As annoying as it might be, I would suggest switching banks and shutting down all social media accounts.
“Social Media” is a modern day mental disorder! You go online, post pictures of your young children, what you had for breakfast, lunch, supper and where/when you ate it! These “services” are opening up all avenues of exploitation, and yet you freely volunteer for it. STOP IT!!
I have a niece who was doing all the above, and she was burglarized (TWICE) when she announced when/where she was vacationing! A former boyfriend has been harassing her online for over a year now.
Also, you open yourself up to employment discrimination when a potential employer routinely screens you for your online presence. All your posts and updates are TIME and DATE stamped, so they KNOW you are a work-time slacker!! A good friend went 3 years unemployed, until he finally took my advice and DELETED his social media accounts. Within 2 weeks, he had two job offers!
Employers want nothing to do with addicted social media mavens, who waste hours of work time posting foolishness online. WISE UP!
If you write a formal letter or call the bank and provide eveidence, the lady may be removed from her position at the bank at it is a breach of confidentiality which she would be required to sign upon hire. You cannot just access information for personal use to cause mischief.
It is a breach of trust and she could face criminal charges.
Do some research on how to improve your skills at identifying a hopeless male partner.